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the moment the realisation that the onli way of catching up with your friends is you reading about snippets of their lives on their online journals, watching facebook’s live feed for any updates whatsoever, or just basically having to utilise the internet before a semblance of a connection between our lives can be established.

that, is a really sad moment indeed. 

so this is what it means to feel ambivalent about someone. indifference is harder to pull off than i thought it would be, rawr.

i’ve almost forgotten how much i like people to be straightforward with me, and not beat about the bush even if they’re just trying to be tactful.

i almost forgot how decisive i used to be when i was younger, especially during them make-or-break situations.

i almost forgot how terrible regret feels, and how i promised myself that i would never make the same silly mistakes ever again.

sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith. you’ll never know if you can fly until you jump off the cliff.

—

be bold, be brave, be resolute.

strike while the iron is hot.

seize the day.

carpe diem.

great job sarah and shaun! it was a good first worship session with the team for you two today, i think you both did brilliantly.

—

if you’re reading this, i miss you. all.

last night, i spent a good 2 hrs or so just lying on my bed. wide awake.

upon reflection, i think i was physically spent but mentally things were the exact opposite. in fact, there was probably a myriad of random thoughts and ideas swirling in my head, each desperately vying for my attention so much so that i was unable to process any one of them quickly enough to rmbr what they were.

i turned to the internet at some point, in the hopes that somebody i can talk to will be online, and relieve me from this awful onset of insomnia. amazingly, janice was online [like the didnt-appear-offline kind] for the first time in months, so that was a mini-miracle in itself. rather expectedly, there was reason for the occurrence of such a rare phenomenon, so i left her to work on her assignment/project thingamajig while i attempted to enter the realm of dreams yet again.

enter this time, i did.

i had one of the strangest dreams in a long while. it involved me, a girl wildchild i havent spoken to for 2 years and havent seen for 5, and a dysfunctional relationship. at the same time, i was comforted by an unknown source, which seemed to reassure me that everything would work out in the end.

interestingly, despite the fact that this dream was interspersed with waking moments, i had little if not no idea that this wasnt reality. at best, i’d just wake up thinking "wtf?!" to myself, before drifting from lucidity in order to continue resume the screening of "sean’s unusually surreal realistic dream". (yes, i realise steven is gonna bash me for this oxymoron really soon)

—

i think my loneliness is getting to me. 

i’m losing it.

the mission to memorise all of taylor swift’s songs has begun.

we still need better defending. oh well, a win’s still a win! (:

sheryl and i just spent the last 2 hrs watching the latest eddie murphy movie together. it was a nice little time to share as siblings, esp since she didnt bombard me with 84million questions about the show during the show for once heh.

a nice family comedy, and i personally think yara shahidi played her character beautifully. not bad, for a 7 yr old. movie buffs might gripe about the fact that there was once upon a time when any eddie murphy movie would be gold, while this show is a blemish on his otherwise brilliant film career. frankly, i’m no movie buff. that also translates to: i dun really care, i kinda liked it.

did i mention that it was heartwarming? cliched happy endings ftw. (:

this song enraptured me the first time i heard it. for some reason, my mind inexplicably decided to put it on repeat in my head today, so i decided to share it with everyone today.

music lovers shouldnt be unfamiliar with this eerily beautiful piece, which has its way of spellbinding listeners into its mysteriously charming melody.

unrequited love can be so agonizingly beautiful, no?

—

I’ve been watching your world from afar,
I’ve been trying to be where you are,
And I’ve been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,
You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,
You turn every head but you don’t see me.

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep and I’ll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see,
And you’ll realise that you love me.

Yeah…
Yeah…

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes…

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep,
I’ll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see,
And you’ll realise that you love me.

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep ‘cos I’ll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see,
And you’ll realise that you love me, yeah…

Yeah…
Yeah…
Yeah…
Yeah…