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i was so bored today that i decided to login to my friendster account for the first time in ages, and this is what i found in my message inbox.

From:	Janice
Date:	03/17/2009 11:34 am
Subject:	Hi
Message:	Hello, mind making friends? ^^

oh the wonders of networking sites and the strangers you get to meet on them. i doubt i’m gonna find the right girl for me this way ><

fasting lipid test - $27
liver function test - $42
delayed appt - 60 min
painful needle - a lot of blood

pretty nurse that i always get to see when i visit cgh for my checkup - (((:

thanks sarah, for the worrying and the insight.

yes, i am still guarded. i’m unable to share all of my experiences pertaining to relationships, especially in a group. it’s not that i do not wish to share certain things, but that i’m aware of the many other factors that might contribute to my sharing in such environments not particularly beneficial for the brothers and sisters that may be weaker in the faith.

my closest friends know my struggles onli too well. and to those who actually bother, like my dear 54th alphawolves, i’m also willing to offer the information. however, i see no real need to go into certain details when everyone else know the parties that are involved. things might just turn ugly after that, and i know what a divided church (or even youth group) is like.

perhaps i should, from your words, get less used to leading. perhaps i should just share abt myself as a person, instead of getting everyone else to ponder abt the subject matter in general, which has always been a distinct style of my leadership. perhaps i should just offer up the information more readily, instead of being so cryptic all the time, and not presenting anyone with the full picture unless they’re really concerned enough. perhaps i should let the youth get to know who i really am?

bah sean, once again you’re just a ___ing hypocrite.

this has been a hectic weekend for me, spending it almost entirely on church stuff and the likes.

the july youth event held yesterday went very well i think! the whole process was pretty smooth, and from the feedback i’ve received so far everyone who attended had quite a bit of fun. i also had enough foresight to predict that more than half the participants would turn up late for the event, so i told everyone to come at 230pm when i planned for the event to commence at 330pm instead heh.

the highlight of the event though, had to be the auction at the end. joanne and shaun did an excellent job with the prizes i thought, esp with the surprise superawesomegift of the ipod shuffle! and a big thank you to all my other station masters: ian, jesu, thomas, may and daniel. it really wouldnt have been such a success without you guys (:

church today was special too! it was baptism sunday, and the first one under pastor steven at that, so the proceedings went a little differently from what we were all accustomed to. nonetheless, i thought that it worked out well in the end, and i’m very glad to see so many young ones decide to make this covenant with God today!

today was also the first time colin played drums for the main service, and you could really hear the difference when a pro plays the drums compared to untrained amateurs like me. i personally thought worship was well done today, although the guitar introductions were a little bit… off. no matter though, nothing that good ol’ practice cant fix!

man, it was really a day of many firsts leh. i joined the mixed cell today for discussions, and i think it was the first time i’ve contributed so significantly to the cell discussion as well. half the people there have never heard me lead/share abt issues such as relationships, homosexuality, emotional dependency and whatnot. so it was a case of me opening my mouth today, and them listening to me until their mouths opened as well heh. i think i talked too much, they probably needed to yawn or sth ><

and now, all the leaders also know that i’m feeling out of place in church, or "detached" so to speak. the sharing during leader’s meeting today was very very eye opening, i learnt a lot of stuff about certain youth that i didnt know even existed. thanks for the caramel frapp too may, appreciate it! but next time it’s our turn to treat you already haha.

alright, i’m tired from the 1 hr phone convo i had with sarah and mossy about the church anniversary item. toodles!

being absolutely inept at both bowling and pool is actually a lot of fun!

i bowled for the first time in my life today, during working hrs to boot. after a series of gutterballs and lousy pinfalls, including 3 frames of absolutely nothing, i managed to get the hang of it at my 7th frame! in the end, i still managed to finish 2nd out of the 5 ppl bowling in my lane heh. pretty good for somebody who’s never touched a bowling ball in his life before, eh?

after that, it was a nice game of pool. once again, this is sth i’m incredibly lousy in. so the 2 noobs, zhao han and i, squared off against the most pro among ourselves, zhen yu. somehow, we actually managed to tie the game at 2-2, with just the black ball to sink before the noobs won! it all came down to the last 8 ball, which my partner managed to sink! but as the both of us were exploding with delirium, the white ball ROLLED… into the other pocket.

2-3, noobs lose.

heck, weekend still wins

phil’s blogpost today brought back many memories for me, both good and bad.

a little excerpt from his post, with his permission of course:
There was also a most heart-wrenching blogpost (the reader may be assured that it was not mine), for it was a time of great upheaval for the brothers-in-arms. There was also the resolution of a great mystery, and a trip to the airport, to ’see off’ another party yet without being seen; and then there was a 4×4x4 cube which broke apart on the first day of its use and to the best of my knowledge, has never been restored since.

i felt so strongly compelled to revisit my archives after reading that, and i rediscovered how much of a treasure trove of memories they are. some posts bring about a smile to my face, yet others still have the ability to tug at my heartstrings.

and like the cube, a part of me was lost when i broke apart. it might be minuscule and not visible to the average passerby. but if you bother to look more closely, to observe and inspect all the pieces, you’ll realise that they will never look or feel the same way ever again.

things fall apart; the centre cannot hold
mere anarchy is loosed upon the world

it’s already been more than a year.

i’m still unable to solve the 4x4x4.

i think i might be hooked onto colbie calliet’s songs when her album finally comes out. i cant put my finger on it, but there’s just sth abt her voice and the songs she does that appeals very much to me. to think that she started professional songwriting when she was 19, that’s quite a feat man.

i’m in quite a fix now. a part of me wishes to try applying for oxford law, and give myself a chance to be part of one of the best academic instituitions in the world. but then there’s the part of me that is realistic abt the insanely high standards required to enter such a prestigious school, and that there’s onli 1 singaporean heading there to read law this year (according to facebook heh). there’s also the very high cost of living over there to consider, as well as what i’ll be leaving behind if i do head over.

so, to apply or not to apply?

yeah lah i know you linked my blog already, since very long ago. if you’re reading this you better go back and study, or else you know what will happen when i’m home arh. (; sorry i didnt get you a present this year! very difficult to get you sth cos i have army everyday, then weekends always got church. 4 weeks straight of my name being on the duty roster ok, plus youth event this sat and youth service next sat. not little girl already hor you, better grow up and learn the right things ok!

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Ultimate Frisbee Competition held in conjunction with the SEarch Party carnival at SMU.

Details: 5-a-side (7 in team, with 1 girl to be on field at any point)
Registration fee: $65 per team
(Includes an awesome goodie bag which includes a T-shirt, lab top skin and other random things!)

The SEarch Party is organized in support of Social Enterprises in Singapore. So all profits made will be for a good cause!
 

the team so far consists of: sean, victor, fish, cheuk ho. wilson and shaoyi have yet to confirm, and the octs’ attendence depend heavily on whether they book out that weekend.

more imptly though, we need 2 girls in the team! if anyone’s interested, come contact me ok? somehow i’ve become the unofficial captain for the side heh.

a little word of caution though. most of the ppl playing here havent actually touched a disc in forever, and it’s been more than 7 months since we all last played together at all. our last tournament together was in july 08, and even though we won it was really just an interclass competition. so if you’re still interested… you know what to do (;

it’s weird to admit that you’re feeling a tad out of place in church to your cell, especially when you’re the leader. their expressions today were priceless, i havent seen so many blank confused looks since the last time i sat through a kenneth seah lecture.

ah well, there’s still the coming youth event to think abt. for now, i’ll just wait for things to play out.

ok so i cheated and i texted you way before time, but wadeva. i’m sure you know my intentions (: let’s go hang out together sometime ok, pleasepleaseplease. oh, and tell sarah and sam i miss them lots too!

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3 years ago today, i was playing soccer at the track. the basketball court was taken, and so was the bend ard that track that we affectionately called the "D". a few of us ended up kicking the ball ard after school, just cos we were so crazy abt soccer at that time. during that game though, justin and i somehow tripped each other, and i ended up getting 2 scars on my right hand and wrist.

this year, after ian bodyslammed me onto the ground during soccer cos he was going too fast after i took the ball off him, i was basically just lying still on the netball court for a while. after thomas ascertained that i was ok and that i wasnt dead yet, he taupoked me just cos i was in the perfect position for it. it was then that the friction from the court rubbing against my hand, while i was struggling against him, gave me an abrasion on my hand. the abrasion was the exact same spot where the scar had been, so my skin there effectively got abused twice heh.

looking at my arm now, the scar on my hand has healed over to a slight pigmentation, but the scar on my wrist remains. i know this might seem like an absolutely absurd and random post to you, but it does hold great significance for my life. and if you know me well enough, i’m sure you’ll understand wad i’m trying to say (;

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happy bdae amanda!