church camp ‘09 has finally concluded, and i would really just like to thank God that i was even able to make it for the camp, albeit a day later than everyone else, even though i onli applied for leave on tuesday and got it approved on thurs.
the venue for camp this year was fantastic i thought, esp the part where we took full advantage of the thistle resort’s recent renovations, so we were able to enjoy the full extent of their services and the almost brand new facilities. the place was done up very nicely, and although there were a few kinks in the quality of workmanship (re: bursting water pipes and wooden tiles falling off the walls) i thought the whole place was very pleasant.
the games comm this year did a great job despite the relative inexperience they had as well! i think kudos really has to go to amos, for being the right person to lead this team. his leadership and ability to get the best out of shaun, rebecca and alicia is really respectable. to see the three of them groomed to be leaders in their own right, that itself was a very very big encouragement for me. often times i think amos is really under appreciated, and ppl just forget all abt him until his skills and abilities are required once again. the best part is that we’re both leaders of different cells, so it’s almost impossible for us to actually just sit down and catch up with one another even on sundays. so please, if you’re from his cell and you’re reading this, just try to show your appreciation for his time a little bit more? cos it’ll really make a huge difference just to hear a nice word of encouragement now and then, trust me (:
i kinda missed half the sessions for the camp cos i came a day late, but i have to say that the msges pastor phillip had to share were pretty relevant to our church. it seemed like God wanted to tell each and everyone sth, to remind us about sth that we might have forgotten or overlooked before. perhaps it’s time to just take a leap of faith, and to step up to offer up the talents and gifts God has blessed us with as an offering to him. to remove the doublemindedness that plagues us so often, setting limits for God in order to accomodate His plans within our comfort zones, preventing us from really doing His work. to overcome the trials and tribulations in our life, which are here onli to mould us, test us, and to shape us into the person God made us to be.
personally, i didnt feel like this camp made a major impact on me. sure, i was reminded of a lot of things, and i suppose i did enjoy myself for the most part, but sth that was there before in all the other camps was just missing. there’s an increasing sense of loneliness that fills me, one that distances me away from my fellow youths, and renders me unable to enjoy the time i spend with them to the fullest. it’s an increasing sense of feeling that, perhaps i dun fit in as well as i thought i did, and i’m getting more and more out of place.
dun get me wrong, it’s not that i dun enjoy hanging with the youth. there’s a great joy that fills me when i enter church on sundays, to see familiar friendly faces, and to just worship with my fellow brothers and sisters next to me. but at the same time, i just feel like there’s no one i can really connect to anymore, who understands me and my quirks, or just to be able to communicate at the same frequency. i love just being ard the youth, soaking in the happiness and the cheerfulness, but there’s still this inability to join in and be part of all that, so i pretty much just feel like an outsider with a smile permanently plastered across my face.
rawrr i dunno. so much for being a cell leader and supposedly having the answers to most of the questions that my smallboyboys have for me. i think i’m just really just inherently screwed up, and that i secretly detest the world and almost everything in it. i can encourage one person the first moment, and then just walk past said person without saying hi the next. i can want to talk to another, but fear the rejection that i sense will come my way (personal phobia there). sigh, all this when i’m supposed to have God on my side and be his faithful follower.
bah, sean you damned hypocrite.
