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perhaps this is just pure coincidence, or maybe it’s already been planned beforehand. either way, i’ve been learning how to trust in God’s plan and His will for me increasingly, and not try to force things to work out my way.

exercise molar has finally concluded! it was a really really really annoying time for me, especially having been appointed ration ic, and having to contend with a huge group of freaking slackers who do nothing but sit around to talk shit all day instead of helping the rest of us. and this time, the fsg was so super slack that the tasks could really have been completed with 1/4 the time that we took to complete them, since there were so many ppl to help out this time as well. perhaps it’s just me, but i’ve been so absolutely grumpy and easily pissed off lately i dun even like who i am anymore. having nobody to rant to doesnt help my cause either, but now that it’s all said and done i’m gonna try putting the past behind me.

the presentation of my blue beret yesterday meant that i have officially become an army logistician, and the end of my outfields during my supply supervisor course wahaha. even though it might not seem like that much of a big deal, but i have this funny little feeling that my coursemates felt an immense degree of pride and joy when they donned their berets for the very first time. when i put mine on, i couldnt help but wonder if God had preordained all this beforehand, and that my injuries still affect me after 7 years for a reason, or if the 6 years i spent with ncc air was just a preparation for the things to come. i’ll be using my old ncc beret instead of the brand new one, mostly because it’s already so well seasoned heh, but partly because it brings back so many memories for me.

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the playmax run-through at st andrew’s cathedral today was just what i needed after a week of stress and annoyance. it was a whole lot of fun, playing games with may, dawn, jomel, penny and shawn, just walking in and around sac, and meeting random ppl like samuel tho, this random girl at the teengames booth, and dinesh! >< thank goodness for the few hrs of fun, i really needed to destress badly.

today also kinda marked my first time eating at subway. obviously, i had no idea what was good and what i should order, so dawn kinda made most of the impt decisions for me. in the end i had a cheese steak sub, with onion and lettuce, honey oat bread, and two of the sauces. it was pretty good actually, but not as filling as everyone else thought it was heh. i think i must have been too deprived of proper food outfield. the peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies were great though! there’s the possibility that i might go back to subway in the near future just for the cookies now, muaha.

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i suppose emotional stress shouldnt get to me as much as it does now, especially when i should be too physically drained to even bother abt such affairs. i’m started to get the feeling that i’m very different from my interpretation of who i am, and of what others think i am. perhaps it’s the side effects of the isotretenoin again, but that still shouldnt be an excuse. 

i choose to trust in You God, and i pray that i’ll never feel as if You let me down.