ىέạп >>

being a loner lonelyboy (just for you, kaijun!) is almost like being invisible. ppl dunno when you arrive, when you leave, or how your life has been. they always have an extremely surprised look when they finally notice your presence/existence, before they are caught up with wadeva they were doing before you accidentally revealed yourself for 2 seconds before that, which means you shadowmeld again.

if i were invisible.

mmi, mindef hq, far east.

t’was a long day i had today. waited 45min for my ortho specialist to come in, and that meant that he was also 45min later than my appt time. the best part was my entire consultation lasted approximately 2 min, and the onli difference was that i found out that there was swelling in my knee because of all the physical activity bmt put me through in combat boots. 

work was slack today, until i was pummeled with 3 shelves worth of books to wrap, label and shelve. non-stop efficient working still didnt allow me to finish shelving all my books today, sigh. it’s the first time i actually did sth as a clerk without completing it because of a lack of time.

met up with daniel, shaun and joanne for some youth event planning after work, of which i was put in charge of… again. we really spent forever deciding where/what to eat, which left us with less than an hr to get everything planned out. hopefully my insane efficiency extends to nights nowadays, so that i can finish everything up without having to chiong last minute!

25TH JULY. YOUTH EVENT. CHURCH. COME.

(sorry, that’s as detailed as i can get now heh)

—

hello salina, this is a message for you. you need simple stuff abt philosophy now is it? cos i think i still have my notes and books from my sec 3 and sec 4 days, and they dealt with different philosophers and their various schools of thought. need to borrow then tell me k?

i want a freaking radio so that i can listen to music during work, damned shit.

—

as the opening of our casino looms even more menacingly upon us, one cant help but be reminded of all the reasons why so many opposed the idea to begin with. sure… it’s spiffy, high-tech and is gonna bring tons of money to singapore. but is it still worth the negative externalities that it’ll inevitably bring? i personally doubt it.

—

lunch was pretty interesting today, esp when you’re sitting in and just listening to a whole bunch of elite school kids talk abt their experiences in school (pertaining to attractive girls). the ex-rj boys probably offered the bulk of information, ranging from how awesome the library was when it’s architecture allowed for viewing of certain items of clothing you wouldnt normally get to see on a girl, to the various make-out spots in their school. i mean, you know it’s pretty serious when the classrooms are fitted with cameras and motion sensors, just to prevent extensive hanky-panky in an elite institution of education heh.

—

thoughts- so- disjointed-

please forgive.

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me, baby, do you recognize me?
Well, it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me

Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying, "I love you", I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now I know you’d fool me again

A crowded room and friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore him apart
Maybe this year, maybe this year
I’ll give it to someone special

i finally got to shop yesterday, for the first time in a loooong while. it was pretty fun, except for the part where you pay for the stuff that you want heh. anyway, here are some of my new babies:

i’ve always needed a pair of black sneakers, and these fit the bill perfectly. a little collaboration between onitsuka tiger and mini, they offer a selection of 3 sneakers, complete with stuff minitating on their uppers materials used on the car, such as perforated leathers and carbon fiber. the soles even look like they’re made out of tyres, woot! the insoles are also terribly comfortable, so this was probably my favourite buy (: did i tell you i love onitsukas?

ok so i didnt get these yesterday, but after the .14 lunch thing at manhatten’s fish market, where i publicly embarrassed myself by pretending that i was arnie in terminator salvation. thanks to debbie’s yamaha card, i bought the most expensive sticks i’ve ever owned so far for a discount! used them for worship today, and they totally rocked. love them. (btw, i had no idea who will kennedy was before i got them sticks. not that much of a drummer fanboy i’m afraid -shrug-)

alright, i’m too lazy to look for other pictures or wadeva so i’m gonna stop here. i onli got another white shirt from ck anyway, and it’s really the only short sleeve shirt that i have in my wardrobe lol. major achievement aye?

and this, my friends, is what 2 years of Chinese B HL does to you (;

live with the bad decisions you made, and stop being so freaking self righteous already. as if masking your egotism under the guise of "self-confidence" is gonna help your cause. just admit it, you screwed up before, and you screwed it up this time again. how bloody hard is that?

emotionally needy shit.

today was really the best day i’ve had in a while.

i slept at 4am, just like the good old times, playing plants versus zombies through the night. managed to finish the ghost by robert harris at work today, mainly cos i worked so efficiently that i felt that there was really quite little that i had to do. it’s a pretty short read, but it really just kept me glued to its pages the entire time; gripping plot i’d say. i managed to finish lunch as well! first time i’ve managed to since i recovered from dengue, and it feels good to have my appetite back.

the best part however, had to be meeting up with dinesh, asher, steven, janice, jono and cheuk ho for transformers. i swear, with this kind of company and the most awesome movie i’ve seen all year so far (and there were many big name movies this year mind you), i had the best 3 hrs of my day with them. there are really no friends like those you find in ac, not even those from army who "will stick with you for life". i’m not gonna talk abt the movie, just in case i spoil it for you guys. i strongly recommend it to anyone who’s thinking abt catching it though, it’s worth the 2.5 hrs in that cinema. trust me.

oh and in case you were still wondering abt megan fox’s gender? even after that show?
i say, "no. he is so NOT a guy."

you know you’re feeling fked up when you think the time spent in army is actually better than the free time you have, because there’s actually stuff for you to do that keeps your mind off the things you dun wanna think abt.

yep. emopimpking’s back in da hood.

church camp ‘09 has finally concluded, and i would really just like to thank God that i was even able to make it for the camp, albeit a day later than everyone else, even though i onli applied for leave on tuesday and got it approved on thurs.

the venue for camp this year was fantastic i thought, esp the part where we took full advantage of the thistle resort’s recent renovations, so we were able to enjoy the full extent of their services and the almost brand new facilities. the place was done up very nicely, and although there were a few kinks in the quality of workmanship (re: bursting water pipes and wooden tiles falling off the walls) i thought the whole place was very pleasant.

the games comm this year did a great job despite the relative inexperience they had as well! i think kudos really has to go to amos, for being the right person to lead this team. his leadership and ability to get the best out of shaun, rebecca and alicia is really respectable. to see the three of them groomed to be leaders in their own right, that itself was a very very big encouragement for me. often times i think amos is really under appreciated, and ppl just forget all abt him until his skills and abilities are required once again. the best part is that we’re both leaders of different cells, so it’s almost impossible for us to actually just sit down and catch up with one another even on sundays. so please, if you’re from his cell and you’re reading this, just try to show your appreciation for his time a little bit more? cos it’ll really make a huge difference just to hear a nice word of encouragement now and then, trust me (:

i kinda missed half the sessions for the camp cos i came a day late, but i have to say that the msges pastor phillip had to share were pretty relevant to our church. it seemed like God wanted to tell each and everyone sth, to remind us about sth that we might have forgotten or overlooked before. perhaps it’s time to just take a leap of faith, and to step up to offer up the talents and gifts God has blessed us with as an offering to him. to remove the doublemindedness that plagues us so often, setting limits for God in order to accomodate His plans within our comfort zones, preventing us from really doing His work. to overcome the trials and tribulations in our life, which are here onli to mould us, test us, and to shape us into the person God made us to be.

personally, i didnt feel like this camp made a major impact on me. sure, i was reminded of a lot of things, and i suppose i did enjoy myself for the most part, but sth that was there before in all the other camps was just missing. there’s an increasing sense of loneliness that fills me, one that distances me away from my fellow youths, and renders me unable to enjoy the time i spend with them to the fullest. it’s an increasing sense of feeling that, perhaps i dun fit in as well as i thought i did, and i’m getting more and more out of place.

dun get me wrong, it’s not that i dun enjoy hanging with the youth. there’s a great joy that fills me when i enter church on sundays, to see familiar friendly faces, and to just worship with my fellow brothers and sisters next to me. but at the same time, i just feel like there’s no one i can really connect to anymore, who understands me and my quirks, or just to be able to communicate at the same frequency. i love just being ard the youth, soaking in the happiness and the cheerfulness, but there’s still this inability to join in and be part of all that, so i pretty much just feel like an outsider with a smile permanently plastered across my face.

rawrr i dunno. so much for being a cell leader and supposedly having the answers to most of the questions that my smallboyboys have for me. i think i’m just really just inherently screwed up, and that i secretly detest the world and almost everything in it. i can encourage one person the first moment, and then just walk past said person without saying hi the next. i can want to talk to another, but fear the rejection that i sense will come my way (personal phobia there). sigh, all this when i’m supposed to have God on my side and be his faithful follower.

bah, sean you damned hypocrite.